We Need A Flag

The foster and adoption community needs a flag. Scraps of fabric fluttering in the wind, flags play such an important role in identifying belonging and signaling welcome.

I have a soft spot in my heart for flags with meaning to me. Our small town has a flag and I smile when I see it on cars and hanging from front porches. Rainbow pride flags make me feel welcome, valued, and loved. The Brazilian flag remind me of my husband’s side of the family and all our loved ones there; the California flag reminds me of what still feels very much like “home” to me; and I am fond of the Welsh flag, where I spent time as a teenager. (Also, the Welsh flag has a dragon. You can’t get much cooler than that.) I always point out the distinct double triangles of the Nepali flag to our daughter, whose godmother is from there.

It gives me a little heartwarming thrill to see flags I recognize as connections to people and places I love.

But I don’t see any foster or adoption flags…and I am hungry for one. One that somehow manages to convey respect, honor, and dignity for all members of the triad, and everyone who supports us. One that highlights our incredible strength and resilience without minimizing the very real challenges we face.

I would love for my family to feel more visible, for the reality we live to be more visible. I want to connect to others like us - to see the flag on a car while I’m sitting in traffic, or to see it in a front yard during May for Foster Awareness month or November for National Adoption month. I want others to see them too, to wonder what they are, find out, and then start noticing how many there are.

So many people live in families impacted by foster care and adoption, and I want us to be seen, out and about, just like other communities families identify with.

I wish I could take credit for this idea, but the credit goes to a dear friend and fellow fost-adopt mom. We have tried to brainstorm what such a flag could look like - intersecting circles? three hearts? - but neither of us are graphic designers and we only represent one side of the triad.

So for now, I invite myself myself and you to notice the flag’s absence. Maybe someday my friend and I will get it together to connect with a broader group of stakeholders and bring this flag into being. Until then, I carry a little flame of hope for it.