Kindegarten Readiness
I just read an article about kindegarten readiness, claiming to share what kids really need to know. The first few paragraphs were about how of course the reader already knows that their child should be able to write their name, recognize “dozens - if not hundreds - of sight words,” etc etc. Apparently the summer before kindegarten - this summer, in my household - leaves many parents feeling like it should be devoted to a marathon of prepping for kindegarten. Towards the end, it stated “Put away the worksheets, writing paper, and flashcards…”
Reading it was one of those “Huh?” moments in which I realize that there are many ways to have a childhood, and we are not all having the same experience. Flashcards? Worksheets? We don’t have any to put away.
Admittedly, my kid has been in a classroom environment full time since she was a year old; with more of a focus on ya know, playing and stuff, but yeah, she did learn how to write her name in her last semester of pre-school. Glad someone else was one that.
Writing practice and worksheets haven’t crossed my mind because there was no space for it. The parenting focus here has been on trauma recovery and resilience since day 1.
I’d be curious to know how many other people read that article and saw themselves in it, versus how many people couldn’t relate to the description of the supposedly “normal” parental expectations of the summer before kindegarten. How out of the loop am I?
Its things like this that remind me that my normal every day isn’t other people’s normal every day, and our family doesn’t run like others.
We don’t have worksheets or flashcards here, and while we read a lot with our kiddo, it has never occurred to me to practice sight words with her.
We do have lots of conversations about hard things and how to handle them. Not getting to see people you wish you could see, being hurt and not knowing how to respond, the crappy parts about being an adoptee - personal life experiences - as well as larger societal topics like racism and how it affects other people as well as our family. We talk about how important it is to keep kids safe. We talk about feelings a lot - ours, hers, other people’s. We talk about moving, a lot. We talk about loss and hurt and joy. We talk about what to do with big feelings, and we do them. Make art, get a hug, jump up and down…
And after many moves, I am enjoying filling our current home - in which we hope to be for many years - with things that comfort and delight the people who live there. A big faux fur bean bag chair my kid nests in, jumps in, and drags around. Hammock chairs for staring at the rain, rocking our bodies gently, or being silly in. A maker space filled with random supplies like ribbons, crayons, and cardboard boxes and tubes so my daughter can make whatever the heck is in her flow in that moment. Our home is being designed in such a way as to allow for a lot of healthy sensory expression - places to allow for big motor movement, places to snuggle and feel held and soothed. We don’t have flashcards, but we do have posters about feelings, and “emotion spots” - a set of little stuffies, one for each feeling.
Yeah, we might not be on the same page as other parents and families. My husband and I are totally out of some loop that many other people live in. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m so proud of my little girl, and I’m so proud of my husband and I.
Parenting through trauma is hard, but I also see how it leans on our strengths as people. My husband’s tenderness and empathy, my ability to really see my daughter and the complexity she found herself in. He and I are both sensitive people who have more emotions than you can shake a stick at, so adding a kid to the family who needed a high degree of emotional intelligence and skills wasn’t so much of a stretch as an honor.
I love being my daughter’s mom.
In some ways, the fact that I am a bit more distant from her academic achievement makes her progress there all the more special. I remember the day I first saw her write her name out, entirely and correctly - I had seen her working on it for months, and it is a long one - so I was mighty impressed when she finally nailed it, and did an over the top happy dance for her that left her smiling and laughing. It wasn’t mommy’s achievement, it was all hers.